The start of a blog is always the hardest for me, or so I'd like to believe. I never know what to write or how to start writing. I'm afraid to be boring. And the majority of time that is what causes me to remove myself from social situations. I'm always afraid to say the wrong thing to people, I'm afraid to stand up for myself and my beliefs. And all of this stems from a lack of self confidence.
To be honest, I don't know where the lack of self confidence comes from. I have never in my life, ever heard any one (aside from siblings, which is a given) tell me that I was fat. When I was bullied at school it was never because I was fat. Something inside of me told me I wasn't good enough and I believed it. I'm sure the bullying played a part, I'm sure the cheating ex-boyfriends played a part. I shouldn't have let them. I let those things control me and my thoughts.
So, now at the age of 24 I'm finally learning to love myself. I am a mother to a gorgeous 13 month old boy named Zachary. I'm married to his father, Ben. He likes to tell me I'm beautiful and I like to not believe him. I don't take compliments very well, I never really have. 99% of the time I don't believe them. There are 2 times in my life where I truly felt beautiful. The first time was during my pregnancy (and looking back I don't understand why I did!) I felt beautiful throughout that entire experience even when I was so swollen that I could hardly walk. The second time was my wedding day, I truly believe that every girl should feel beautiful on her wedding day. And I did. I felt it. My wedding day was perfect, for me.
On January 14th, 2013. I weighed in on a scale at my highest weight (aside form pregnancy) at 180. At the end of my pregnancy I weighed 200 lbs. I was one of those people who used pregnancy as an excuse to eat. I gained 40 lbs. After I had Zachary I lost all of my pregnancy weight within 3 months or so. And then I gained it all back and then some! So when I got on the scale at 180 I decided I needed a change. I was ashamed that I had let it get so bad to begin with.
So I set a goal weight of 126, which is healthy for me because I'm only 5'3". I gave up soda, started eating properly and exercising. My best friend, who lives in Indiana is also on this journey with me. I wish she lived closer so that we could literally be enjoying this journey together. We live through pictures, emails and snail mail. She's my support and I am hers.
My biggest motivation is my son. I want to be able to run around with him and not be winded. I want to be able to keep up. I don't want to always be sitting on the sidelines. I want him to grow up with the right eating habits. I also know that the more confident I am in myself then the more confident I will be with everything else in my life, including raising him.
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It has been 7 weeks since I started turning my life around. I have now lost 10 lbs! I work out, I eat right and I make sure to drink of plenty of water. Some days I don't try my hardest, some days I don't eat the greatest. I allow myself to indulge at times and occasionally I still binge. But I'm slowly learning, I'm slowly getting better. I'm not perfect and that's okay. It's a learning process.
I'm still perfecting my exercising. I'm generally focusing on running, just because I really enjoy cardio. I can now run/jog a 10 minute and 44 seconds mile. In the beginning I got winded just jogging for 90 seconds. I also do some other exercising with small weights. And as of yesterday I started Yoga, I am in love and plan on adding it to my routine every day.
I enjoy photography. I love taking pictures. I'm attempting to start my own business but there are days where I feel I can't be bothered with it. But I'm constantly learning, constantly trying to improve myself. I also love writing letters. I have several pen pals now. I am obsessed with The Walking Dead, actually I think I'm more obsessed with Daryl then the show ^_^ I love crafts and will post pictures and tutorials on ones I do.
That's all I'll post for now :)
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